Vietnam War veteran Terry Calandra: 'I have a lot of people to apologize to'

From Lehigh Valley Live.com: Vietnam War veteran Terry Calandra: 'I have a lot of people to apologize to'
Terry Calandra can't say with certainty why he falsified records and made up stories about military combat medals he didn't earn.

For that, and for claiming valor he didn't deserve, he said he's eternally remorseful.

"I have a lot of people to apologize to," the 62-year-old Vietnam War veteran said Friday.

"I may be a bad person for what I did, but it was my reality I had to deal with. If it wouldn't be for my wife and family who supported me for all these years (after the war), I probably wouldn't be alive today."

Calandra, of Belvidere, thinks his deceit probably was a means "to make me feel good about myself -- to help justify the things I did over there."

Last week in Philadelphia, after a decade-long campaign to upgrade his awards to the Medal of Honor -- the nation's highest military honor -- Calandra admitted it was a sham.

He pleaded guilty in federal court to making false statements about his military service and was sentenced to a year's probation and $600 in fines.

The stunning admission shocked and angered friends and fellow veterans, including those who worked closely with him in veterans' organizations and initiatives in the Lehigh Valley and New Jersey.

"There are veterans and bloggers out there who want my hide," Calandra said in his first public comments since his court appearance. "Under combat situations, sometimes your brain doesn't work too good. I did what I did and now I have to face the music. That's the way it is."

Calandra concocted a story that he won the Silver Star by throwing himself on a grenade in March 1969, and made up another story to go with the Distinguished Service Cross he claimed to have been awarded, officials said.

His stories started to unravel after he filed paperwork with former U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter to begin an investigation into whether his actions merited the Medal of Honor.

'He has my contempt'
Calandra, who grew up in the Easton area, legitimately earned three Purple Hearts during his Vietnam service from January to July 1969.

In 1998, after a meeting with then-U.S. Rep. Paul McHale in Bethlehem, McHale hailed Calandra as a hero after Calandra was nominated for the Medal of Honor.

McHale, now an attorney at a Washington, D.C., law firm, had forwarded Calandra's case to the Department of Army for review.

"When someone makes that kind of detailed and false series of statements, including forged documents over a long period of time, to claim valor that others have earned, it's hard to find an act that could be more despicable," McHale said Friday.

McHale, a retired colonel in the U.S. Marine Corps Reserves, said Calandra's punishment of probation and a modest fine was insufficient.

"For what he did (serving in Vietnam), I will grant him respect," McHale said. "For what he didn't do -- and then claimed to do -- he has my contempt. There's no justification for what he did. He's going to have to deal with this as a matter of conscience for the rest of his life."

40-year struggle
Calandra had gained acclaim locally for his supposed wartime feats. He was a frequent parade marshal and speaker in schools and at veterans' events.

He's commander of the Military Order of the Purple Heart, Chapter 700, in Warren and Hunterdon counties. On Friday, he said he didn't want to speak about his future with the group.

"I have to live my life and go on," he said. "People can hate me or still be my friend. But what I've done is something I cannot change. I have to live with it -- I alone."

Calandra said he returned home in 1970 angry about his experiences and the receptions Vietnam veterans confronted.

He said he watched a friend die in his arms in Vietnam and he's struggled for more than 40 years to erase the horrors of other experiences. He hasn't been able to do it.

"When the shooting's all over, the only thing you hear is the screams and the crying and the dying," he said. "Those screams never go away."

Since his court appearance, he said, he's received encouraging words from men with whom he served and friends he's made since.

"I realize I have issues," he said. "I buried it and buried it. You can't bury your subconscious. It keeps at you."

Friends offer support
Rich Polak, who served with Calandra in Vietnam and cooperated with authorities who later charged Calandra, likened his friend's missteps to a service-connected disability.

"I condemn what he did and he knows it," Polak, of Marshall, N.C., wrote in a letter to the editor. "However, the acts of wrongdoing he committed are the result of his being present for duty and serving gallantly in combat in Vietnam."

Morris Metz, a World War II veteran who leads the Lehigh Valley chapter of the Veterans of the Battle of the Bulge, had breakfast with Calandra two weeks ago.

Metz said he's read every word of last week's news accounts, again and again. Calandra never breathed a word about any of it.

"When you grow up, you're taught the sanctity of life," said Metz, 86, of Forks Township. "But when you go in the military service and go into war, you learn to kill and destroy. You do that or you get killed.

"After you get back to a normal civilian life, you don't know if you're going to be affected by those experiences. Things may happen that cause you to take actions you normally wouldn't take. I think that's what happened."

While shocked by Calandra's revelations, Metz said he considers him a friend and maintains great respect for his service and accomplishments.

He hasn't spoken to Calandra since his guilty plea but said he knows what he's going to say the next time he sees him: "Love you, brother."

Leaving a legacy
Calandra, whose organization raised money to decorate veterans' graves and contribute to various war memorials, said he doesn't want to be defined by his misdeeds, but understands if that's the case.

"If you can step back in time and change things, I would," he said. "But the bottom line is I can't. I hope that I'm not remembered for this only.

"I hope that when they go to high schools and places where memorials stand that I was involved with, they can say 'OK, the guy was an (expletive), but he did some good stuff.'

"If there are derogatory thoughts, I hope at least they can say 'He did a good job doing this.'"